Simplicity. Just stopping and enjoying the journey. Breathing. 

I preach this quite often, but lately I had forgotten to do it myself.  I made my son a promise before he was born: to slow to his wonderful pace. I didn't entirely know what that meant, but I read it somewhere and it sounded good and I was in that Earth Mother phase of pregnancy, the one where if someone had lit a fire in my backyard I probably would have danced naked around it while howling at the moon.

The last few days I have reconnected with that promise and found joy in simplicity again.  I have run on the beach, spent hours drawing trains, picked flowers, hid under blankets, played with pipe cleaners, made music with saucepans, pretended I was a puppy, explained how pretty much EVERYTHING works, pretended I was a crane, painted, rolled on the grass, climbed a tree, looked at the stars, danced in the lounge room, made a kite..............
I didn't have any more time than I had a week ago, I haven't neglected anything else - I just stopped being in such a rush! 
This morning I went for a run and I found myself leaping, it was amazing just to feel myself moving and not caring where I got to!  

Oh what a joy it is to slow down!
It's so easy to get overwhelmed with everything you want and forget about what you already have.
The last few days I have looked at my life and who I am and thought  'life is good'.  

There is nothing else I need. 


I am healthy (exciting to be able to say that), I have an amazing son, a beautiful home, I have a loving and supportive family and wonderful friends.  

Simple.

Hi Guys! This is a request to be extraordinary - it's not a big thing, but it is a huge thing!


So... this weekend it's time to do something extraordinary! Pick an amazing place and walk, ride, swim, run, climb your way there and tie a blue ribbon on a rock or a tree or something. Maz, a 12WBT has a friend who's little boy is fighting for his life - this dedication is for Lachlan.

This was Maryan's post - 

Maryan Bourke
My next week's session's will be dedication to a little boy who is the world to his mum and dad after his sister was born sleeping last year. He's 11 week's old and fighting the flight of his life. His mum took him to hospital last night and he's bleeding internally and his liver has shut down. Praying like a mad woman that he pull's through.
So if your driving aaround my neck of the woods and see a woman at the gym or out running bawling like a bitch, you know its me.




Photo's would be fantastic guys!

So between now and Sunday - do something extraordinary!!!!

https://www.facebook.com/events/372304632824749/ 

http://www.12wbt.com/round-2-2012/forums/general-discussion/topics/blue-ribbon-dedication-something-little-to-mean-so-much?page=1#post_378380-row 

Each week of the 12WBT there are challenges, some are physical, some are about consolidating your knowlege and some are about mindset. This weeks is creating an inspiration board.  I started with pictures of my Archie, some mountains, a cute dress, a great quote, you know, the inspiring stuff - but it didn't feel right. Archie, well he's a part of my journey, he's a part of me as for the rest yeah, it's all stuff I want but it doesn't make me breath that very special way. So.... this is what I ended up with and it excites me and scares the hell out of me! 

It has taken me longer to add a new blog post than it should have  - I was going to give a list of reasons that are all true - house painting, grumpy toddler....

Although true - it wouldn't have been the truth.
So why? 
Because I froze, I looked at the stats page, realised people were actually reading this and I froze. I thought I had to write something interesting and witty and profound, I couldn't do that, so I wrote nothing. 
The same thing occurred after winning an award at the round 1 Finale - I froze, I became withdrawn, I thought I had to be "Inspirational" and I had no idea how to do that. 
I was petrified when I met 12WBTers - because I felt like I was expected to be something that I am not. I thought they would be disappointed. 
After winning the award my main thought was - how do I be this person? what is expected of me? 

Then it dawned on me - Nothing, nothing is expected of me. If you are reading this blog you are reading it for your own reasons, you don't want to know about ME - you want to know about YOU! 
And maybe somewhere in my journey you might just find another little bit of you.

The Inspiration I get from people like Michelle Bridges or John Lennon or Ben-does-life doesn't belong to them - they don't walk around with a big ol' sack of inspiration like Santa Claus - it belongs to me.  I always carry it with me and sometimes I look at someone else's journey and I take that sharp inspirational breath and I let myself have a little piece of it. 

So... I will continue to write and I promise not to try and inspire you. :)

10th of June - 

June 9 - One of the Preseason tasks is about voicing your goals and saying it out loud. 
My first round I didn't do this, I wasn't brave enough to say "This is what I want", because I felt that saying that would be like telling people how unhappy I really was.  
So, I skipped that one. 
When my second round came I shouted - selectively though, to people that I felt would hear it the way I wanted them to. I kept control over who was listening. 
This round - if you haven't heard me then you need to get your hearing checked! 
But it's now less of "this is what I want" it has now turned into "this is who I am". 

It feels strong and grounded to be where I am right now.
I feel like I am in sync with myself - body, mind and soul are all in it together now. There is no more fighting to be done - I'm just gently leaning into it.

I also crow because I have this feeling that there may be someone else who is in exactly the same position that I was in and they are waiting there to hear my story and to know that they can choose life too. 
So I'm shouting as loudly as I can, because I want to make this mean something.

So I did a story in the local paper - even with the inaccuracies (my name, pulmonary embolism not heart attack, 50kg not 30kg etc etc etc) I'm good with this :) 

And more importantly I am wearing my first piece of Lorna Jane clothing EVER!

 

June 8th
The end of week one is coming close for the 12WBT and this week has had some major highs and lows. Today is about picking myself up after one of the lows. Yesterday there was a heated debate with some fellow 12WBTers - it was about a simple comment that someone had made about going to the movies and seeing some overweight women making horrible food choices. The reactions were strong, with a large proportion of the group feeling that the comment was out of line. We all read her comment with every past painful experience we have had.
It made me realise how much hurt we are still carrying around. How just existing in the world can be so frightening. I have had horrible things said to me by strangers, the worst have been the drive by ones when I have been with someone else - both of us trying to pretend it didn't happen  and then there are the children who make innocent comments that cut so deeply.