The end of week one is coming close for the 12WBT and this week has had some major highs and lows. Today is about picking myself up after one of the lows. Yesterday there was a heated debate with some fellow 12WBTers - it was about a simple comment that someone had made about going to the movies and seeing some overweight women making horrible food choices. The reactions were strong, with a large proportion of the group feeling that the comment was out of line. We all read her comment with every past painful experience we have had.
It made me realise how much hurt we are still carrying around. How just existing in the world can be so frightening. I have had horrible things said to me by strangers, the worst have been the drive by ones when I have been with someone else - both of us trying to pretend it didn't happen and then there are the children who make innocent comments that cut so deeply.
'Mummy, that lady needs 2 seats'
We are all so afraid of being judged. But here's the thing, dropping weight doesn't change that. That girl who has the small waist and the great hair - I bet you she is petrified too.
She is scared that you can see every flaw that she tells herself she has.
We walk around in the world waiting for someone to find us out. We all feel like we are cheating at life and someone will eventually find the money we've stashed under the monopoly board.
But once you realise that everyone else is afraid too, it kind of makes it easier. Kind of makes you want to reach out and hug the skinny girl and tell her it's okay and that you're scared too.