Every fat girl knows how to angle the camera just right. Yep, that's it.. you put the camera on a 45 degree angle too your face and HEY PRESTO! Skinny chick! For years that was the only kind of photo I would allow and when I was asked to supply photos to Shape magazine for a profile I was stumped. First the only before pics I have are the ones we took for the 12WBT and 2 from my sons welcoming day.
I feel sad that I am not included in any photographic memories of my sons life prior to the 12WBT and that events like his welcoming day exist in memory rather than in pictures. But... nothing to be done for that now. Today I had to have some photos taken for Shape, the wonderful Meagan Mendels came to the rescue and agreed to take the shots. I was a horrible subject - everyone who knows me knows that I'm a poser - but I froze, I couldn't remember how to let someone take my picture. But thanks to Meagan we got there :) I AM OVERWEIGHT
Now, as much as I love Mish, I wouldn't want to carry her around all day! That's what I used to do. My poor body had to lug around the weight of Mish. When I signed up to 12WBT in September I had a BMI of over 50, I was morbidly obese and doing things like sitting and standing had become a challenge, breathing sometimes too. Today I am plain old overweight. My challenges are things like climbing mountains and running, I choose my challenges. I have many celebratory moments since September last year, but this is the one that has brought me to tears. For me it means a shift of mindset, I have to stop thinking of myself as the fat girl - it's a hard one to change, but I'm learning. I am so thankful for soooo many things but there are a few that I wanted to mention... I am thankful that this program was there at the right time I am thankful to Mish and Amelia and Gabi and all of the 12WBT crew - you have been with me for every single kilo. I am thankful that I have been able to share this journey with the fabulous 30+ crew - OMG you guys rock! I am thankful that my body has forgiven me so easily and then when I ask it for one more step it obliges I am thankful for all of the amazing inspirational people I have met along the way, some of them I am now lucky enough to call friends I am thankful that my father got sick (I know that seems weird) because if he hadn't, I may have never been ready to begin this journey I am thankful for my son, who is always a reason and who's favourite new game is "Run Mummy Run" I am thankful that I feel like I have come home My life is truly transformed - This hasn't been my 12WBT, it has just simply been my T. Thank you all again. Cathy http://www.12wbt.com/round-2-2012/forums/i-did-it/topics/i-am-overweight#post_408379 I've just been chatting with a dear friend or as I like to refer to her #spawnofsatan and I have challenged her to write a list of 100 things that are great about her life and about her.
So I figured I needed to do it too. It's very easy to focus on all those things that you dislike about where you are right now, but to change your life you need to know what you want to take with you not the things you want to leave behind. It's like giving someone directions but instead of telling them where to go, you tell them where they shouldn't go. 1. I have a gorgeous son 2. Tom Yum Soup 3. My dimples 4. Laughter 5. My deck 6. My coffee maker 7. My Orient walls 8. My white adidas shoes 9. I love my gym! 10. Having long hot showers after Archie has gone to bed 11. Eating popcorn! 12. Chilli! In everything! I even work it into my breakfast! 13. My Intelligence 14. Great friends 15. That I can laugh at myself! 16. Dancing in the kitchen by myself 17. The support from my family 18. Jumping on the trampoline with Archie 19.Running like a kid with arms and legs going all over the place 20.waking up and listening to 'Pure Imagination' and then 'Beautiful Day' 21. My eyes 22. Hot soup on rainy days 23. Arm Sweat 24. Bush Wees 25. swimming 26. Blowing raspberry's on Archie's belly 27. Theatre 28. Seeing Theatre 29. Creating Theatre 30. Reading about Theatre 31. My tiara 32. The kookaburra's that visit my house 33. Arguing about Theatre 34. My Blue velvety shoes 35. My very first Lorna Jane shirt 36. Penang Chicken Curry 37. My Pride wall 38. Singing very loudly in the car 39. Boxing 40. My new boxing gloves' 41. Pho... omg PHO! 42. Running through bush tracks 43. climbing Mount Coolum 44. Old Friends who are like family 45. New Friends who are like family too 46. My mirror with the gold frame 47. running on the beach in bare feet 48. 506 - my number from the Twilight run 49. The ring I had made from a pebble Archie gave me 50. Water 51. The possibilities of my life 52. Being a little bit Quirky 53. My focus 54. Playfulness 55. Imagination 56. Books! 57. I am open 58. I think outside the square 59. I am present 60. My vocabulary 61. That I am getting stronger and stronger 62. I am getting faster and faster 63. Getting a 5c piece to sit in my dimple 64. Putting on my earphones and dancing around the house 65. Leaping in the middle of a run 66. my empathy 67.I have sensational and crazy talented friends 68. I have made friends with my past 69. Watching breakfast at Tiffany's 70. The way my thumbs bend 71. The look I get when I am moving beyond the hurt 72. Spanx 73. Watching Secretary 74. Playing dress ups 75. Being under water 76. Solving impossible problems 77. Veridian Green 78. My Ukulele 79. Being able to JUMP! 80. I am adventurous 81. I have taste - I don't often us it, but I have it 82. Dorothy Parker 83. 12WBT 84. That I am learning to be open 85. I make excellent Pizza 86. I have found Calm 87. failure excites me 88. Poetry 89. Training as part of a team 90. The 30+ crew! 91. Hunger for Knowledge 92. Thinking outside the box 93. My body 94. Finger painting 95.Walking in the rain 96. Shrinkers 97. Building rivers in the sand 98. having a bike licence 99. Blueberry stained fingers 100. The smell of vanilla in my lounge room So this week I turned 39. I had a totally ordinary day - and it was sublime! This year my birthday wasn't some landmark event - I wasn't thinking "From now on things will be different" and I wasn't looking back at my life with sadness. I am happy.
I am very close to being 60kgs lighter than when I signed on to the 12WBT. But you know what - the weight thing is great, but it's the head stuff, that's been the most amazing part of my journey. It's part of the reason why I don't look back at where I was with regret; because I don't know if I would have ever had this mental strength if I hadn't had to fight for my life. And the start of this was a fight, it was hard and I wanted to give up so very many times. But the start is always hard and this time I actually pushed my way through it. No more starting over for me! Now I don't have to fight any more, I just lean into it :) I have learnt some amazing lessons along the way. I have learnt to make friends with failure - I thought that I had failed in the past, but I have realised that I had only ever given up. Now I aim for failure, I make big goals and if I don't make it, that's okay because I am moving one step closer. I have learnt that weight loss is not a good enough goal and that my goals need to be huge and amazing and inspiring. My goal is to be extraordinary. I have learnt that weight is just a reaction to your life and if you live a passionate, full, honest life then the weight will just fall off. I have learnt to celebrate me and take joy in who I am. I have learnt that the little voice in my head (no, not the one that says "go to the clock tower") the one that tells me "no, you can't do that" isn't the enemy. It's the voice that used to say "RUN! It's a sabre tooth tiger!", the only problem is that we have been telling it for so long that the good things are really the bad things that it's confused. I have learnt to tell my voice that it's okay and that it can keep looking for sabre tooth tigers. I have learnt that it's okay to let people in. I had treated my emotions as some dirty little habit. I had covered them in dough and swallowed them. I thought that people would be burdened by my feelings, but the truth is when you share who you are with someone they take it as a gift not a burden. I have learnt to stop trying to heal my past and instead create my future. The past is done, it doesn't exist, but so often we drag it around into our tomorrows. I have learnt that happiness is a series of choices. I have a list on my wall - I'll post it at the bottom of the page - It's a list of what happy people do. I use it for my emotional weigh in. I have learnt to laugh at myself. This journey has been bloody hard and if I didn't laugh at myself sometimes, I'm not sure if I would have made it! I have learnt soooo many more things, but right now, that'll do :) My 39th Birthday came and went with little hoopla, it was just another wonderful day. |