I am very close to being 60kgs lighter than when I signed on to the 12WBT. But you know what - the weight thing is great, but it's the head stuff, that's been the most amazing part of my journey. It's part of the reason why I don't look back at where I was with regret; because I don't know if I would have ever had this mental strength if I hadn't had to fight for my life.
And the start of this was a fight, it was hard and I wanted to give up so very many times. But the start is always hard and this time I actually pushed my way through it. No more starting over for me!
Now I don't have to fight any more, I just lean into it :)
I have learnt some amazing lessons along the way.
I have learnt to make friends with failure - I thought that I had failed in the past, but I have realised that I had only ever given up. Now I aim for failure, I make big goals and if I don't make it, that's okay because I am moving one step closer.
I have learnt that weight loss is not a good enough goal and that my goals need to be huge and amazing and inspiring. My goal is to be extraordinary.
I have learnt that weight is just a reaction to your life and if you live a passionate, full, honest life then the weight will just fall off.
I have learnt to celebrate me and take joy in who I am.
I have learnt that the little voice in my head (no, not the one that says "go to the clock tower") the one that tells me "no, you can't do that" isn't the enemy. It's the voice that used to say "RUN! It's a sabre tooth tiger!", the only problem is that we have been telling it for so long that the good things are really the bad things that it's confused. I have learnt to tell my voice that it's okay and that it can keep looking for sabre tooth tigers.
I have learnt that it's okay to let people in. I had treated my emotions as some dirty little habit. I had covered them in dough and swallowed them. I thought that people would be burdened by my feelings, but the truth is when you share who you are with someone they take it as a gift not a burden.
I have learnt to stop trying to heal my past and instead create my future. The past is done, it doesn't exist, but so often we drag it around into our tomorrows.
I have learnt that happiness is a series of choices. I have a list on my wall - I'll post it at the bottom of the page - It's a list of what happy people do. I use it for my emotional weigh in.
I have learnt to laugh at myself. This journey has been bloody hard and if I didn't laugh at myself sometimes, I'm not sure if I would have made it!
I have learnt soooo many more things, but right now, that'll do :)
My 39th Birthday came and went with little hoopla, it was just another wonderful day.