Every fat girl knows how to angle the camera just right. Yep, that's it.. you put the camera on a 45 degree angle too your face and HEY PRESTO! Skinny chick! For years that was the only kind of photo I would allow and when I was asked to supply photos to Shape magazine for a profile I was stumped. First the only before pics I have are the ones we took for the 12WBT and 2 from my sons welcoming day. 
I feel sad that I am not included in any photographic memories of my sons life prior to the 12WBT and that events like his welcoming day exist in memory rather than in pictures. But... nothing to be done for that now.
Today I had to have some photos taken for Shape, the wonderful Meagan Mendels came to the rescue and agreed to take the shots.
I was a horrible subject - everyone who knows me knows that I'm a poser - but I froze, I couldn't remember how to let someone take my picture.
But thanks to Meagan we got there :)

I AM OVERWEIGHT

Now, as much as I love Mish, I wouldn't want to carry her around all day! 
That's what I used to do. My poor body had to lug around the weight of Mish.
When I signed up to 12WBT in September I had a BMI of over 50, I was morbidly obese and doing things like sitting and standing had become a challenge, breathing sometimes too.

Today I am plain old overweight.
My challenges are things like climbing mountains and running, I choose my challenges.


I have many celebratory moments since September last year, but this is the one that has brought me to tears. For me it means a shift of mindset, I have to stop thinking of myself as the fat girl - it's a hard one to change, but I'm learning.

I am so thankful for soooo many things but there are a few that I wanted to mention...
I am thankful that this program was there at the right time
I am thankful to Mish and Amelia and Gabi and all of the 12WBT crew - you have been with me for every single kilo.
I am thankful that I have been able to share this journey with the fabulous 30+ crew - OMG you guys rock!
I am thankful that my body has forgiven me so easily and then when I ask it for one more step it obliges 
I am thankful for all of the amazing inspirational people I have met along the way, some of them I am now lucky enough to call friends
I am thankful that my father got sick (I know that seems weird) because if he hadn't, I may have never been ready to begin this journey
I am thankful for my son, who is always a reason and who's favourite new game is "Run Mummy Run"
I am thankful that I feel like I have come home

My life is truly transformed - This hasn't been my 12WBT, it has just simply been my T.


Thank you all again.


Cathy 

http://www.12wbt.com/round-2-2012/forums/i-did-it/topics/i-am-overweight#post_408379 

Me and my body have made a deal... I ask it to do the impossible... And it does 

I've just been chatting with a dear friend or as I like to refer to her #spawnofsatan and I have challenged her to write a list of 100 things that are great about her life and about her. 

So I figured I needed to do it too.

It's very easy to focus on all those things that you dislike about where you are right now, but to change your life you need to know what you want to take with you not the things you want to leave behind.

It's like giving someone directions but instead of telling them where to go, you tell them where they shouldn't go.


1. I have a gorgeous son
2. Tom Yum Soup
3. My dimples
4. Laughter
5. My deck
6. My coffee maker
7. My Orient walls
8. My white adidas shoes
9. I love my gym!
10. Having long hot showers after Archie has gone to bed
11. Eating popcorn!
12. Chilli! In everything! I even work it into my breakfast!
13. My Intelligence 
14. Great friends
15. That I can laugh at myself!
16. Dancing in the kitchen by myself
17. The support from my family
18. Jumping on the trampoline with Archie
19.Running like a kid with arms and legs going all over the place
20.waking up and listening to 'Pure Imagination' and then 'Beautiful Day'
21. My eyes
22. Hot soup on rainy days
23. Arm Sweat
24. Bush Wees
25. swimming
26. Blowing raspberry's on Archie's belly
27. Theatre
28. Seeing Theatre
29. Creating Theatre
30. Reading about Theatre
31. My tiara
32. The kookaburra's that visit my house
33. Arguing about Theatre
34. My Blue velvety shoes
35. My very first Lorna Jane shirt
36. Penang Chicken Curry
37. My Pride wall
38. Singing very loudly in the car
39. Boxing
40. My new boxing gloves'
41. Pho... omg PHO!
42. Running through bush tracks
43. climbing Mount Coolum
44. Old Friends who are like family
45. New Friends who are like family too
46. My mirror with the gold frame
47. running on the beach in bare feet
48. 506 - my number from the Twilight run
49. The ring I had made from a pebble Archie gave me
50. Water
51. The possibilities of my life
52. Being a little bit Quirky
53. My focus
54. Playfulness
55. Imagination
56. Books!
57. I am open
58. I think outside the square
59. I am present
60. My vocabulary
61. That I am getting stronger and stronger
62. I am getting faster and faster
63. Getting a 5c piece to sit in my dimple
64. Putting on my earphones and dancing around the house
65. Leaping in the middle of a run
66. my empathy
67.I have sensational and crazy talented friends
68. I have made friends with my past
69. Watching breakfast at Tiffany's
70. The way my thumbs bend
71. The look I get when I am moving beyond the hurt
72. Spanx
73. Watching Secretary
74. Playing dress ups
75. Being under water
76. Solving impossible problems
77. Veridian Green
78. My Ukulele
79. Being able to JUMP!
80. I am adventurous
81. I have taste - I don't often us it, but I have it
82. Dorothy Parker
83. 12WBT
84. That I am learning to be open
85. I make excellent Pizza
86. I have found Calm
87. failure excites me
88. Poetry
89. Training as part of a team
90. The 30+ crew!
91. Hunger for Knowledge
92. Thinking outside the box
93. My body
94. Finger painting
95.Walking in the rain
96. Shrinkers 
97. Building rivers in the sand
98. having a bike licence
99. Blueberry stained fingers
100. The smell of vanilla in my lounge room

So this week I turned 39. I had a totally ordinary day - and it was sublime! This year my birthday wasn't some landmark event - I wasn't thinking "From now on things will be different" and I wasn't looking back at my life with sadness. I am happy. 

I am very close to being 60kgs lighter than when I signed on to the 12WBT. But you know what - the weight thing is great, but it's the head stuff, that's been the most amazing part of my journey. It's part of the reason why I don't look back at where I was with regret; because I don't know if I would have ever had this mental strength if I hadn't had to fight for my life. 
And the start of this was a fight, it was hard and I wanted to give up so very many times. But the start is always hard and this time I actually pushed my way through it. No more starting over for me!

Now I don't have to fight any more, I just lean into it :)

I have learnt some amazing lessons along the way. 

I have learnt to make friends with failure -  I thought that I had failed in the past, but I have realised that I had only ever given up. Now I aim for failure, I make big goals and if I don't make it, that's okay because I am moving one step closer.

I have learnt that weight loss is not a good enough goal and that my goals need to be huge and amazing and inspiring. My goal is to be extraordinary. 

I have learnt that weight is just a reaction to your life and if you live a passionate, full, honest life then the weight will just fall off.

I have learnt to celebrate me and take joy in who I am.

I have learnt that the little voice in my head (no, not the one that says "go to the clock tower") the one that tells me "no, you can't do that" isn't the enemy. It's the voice that used to say "RUN! It's a sabre tooth tiger!", the only problem is that we have been telling it for so long that the good things are really the bad things that it's confused. I have learnt to tell my voice that it's okay and that it can keep looking for sabre tooth tigers. 

I have learnt that it's okay to let people in. I had treated my emotions as some dirty little habit. I had covered them in dough and swallowed them. I thought that people would be burdened by my feelings, but the truth is when you share who you are with someone they take it as a gift not a burden. 

I have learnt to stop trying to heal my past and instead create my future. The past is done, it doesn't exist, but so often we drag it around into our tomorrows. 

I have learnt that happiness is a series of choices. I have a list on my wall - I'll post it at the bottom of the page - It's a list of what happy people do. I use it for my emotional weigh in.

I have learnt to laugh at myself. This journey has been bloody hard and if I didn't laugh at myself sometimes, I'm not sure if I would have made it!

I have learnt soooo many more things, but right now, that'll do :)

My 39th Birthday came and went with little hoopla, it was just another wonderful day.