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On my way back home
I have started many a blog - I have always thought I needed an angle, something to make it interesting - I wrote to be read. This time is different, this is just me and I'm writing because I need to.
last year my father got sick, he had a pulmonary embolism - the doctors called it "The Monster" they thought he might die, he didn't. But this made me think about my own mortality - at 38 years of age I was just a good poo under 150kgs - I woke up at night gasping for breath - sitting and standing hurt. I gave myself 5 years... tops.
I had given up.
But, here's the thing, I'm a solo Mum (kind of like a Solo Man but without the soft drink running down my bare chest) to a 2 year old.
So... in 5 years he would be 7 and an orphan. He would have to stand over my grave and that would have been his greatest memory of me.
So I decided to change. I decided not to die. That fight we Mothers have in us kicked in.
I contacted some places about surgery - because.. who drops 90kgs? Right? Not I! I mean, I could barely walk - how was I going to drop weight? And... the 10 pieces of KFC and 2 large chips that I would silently binge on wasn't on any diet I knew of!
But one night (while eating a large pack of barbecue chips and researching for surgery) I came across the 12WBT - Michelle Bridges' program and, just because I had my credit card sitting next to me, I signed up. Wasn't going to work, but what the heck, I was getting surgery anyway - my failure would justify the expense.
First week in I drove to the gym and sat in my car - They'll laugh at me, I'll look silly, I might break the equipment, I won't know what to do, iI am too fat to be here, fat people don't work out... I went home again, this continues for the week. That week I also saw a friend that I had not seen for a very long time - the way he looked at me, I saw pity in his eyes. He watched me struggle to fit in behind the steering wheel of my car, he watched me sweat after walking up a small flight of stairs. He wanted to help me like an invalid.
We went to lunch, I ate a fisherman's basket and MacDonald's on the way home.
And then I cried.
I decided I would give This Bridges chick a go.
But Mindset? Really? I didn't need that!
This was my week one introduction video:
http://youtu.be/u6ap5S8sLJw
The next day I walked into the gym, I must have looked hilarious! My attempts to cover myself up made me look ridiculous! layer upon layer upon layer.
I saw a PT. All I did was walk, very very slowly - I was exhausted, I hurt and I was invigorated.
I went home and didn't cry - I looked at the Mindset lessons.
And little by little it started to change me - I started to change me. I realised that I could choose my life.
So did I fail?
Many many times and gloriously!
Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try Again. Fail again. Fail better.
Samuel Beckett
last year my father got sick, he had a pulmonary embolism - the doctors called it "The Monster" they thought he might die, he didn't. But this made me think about my own mortality - at 38 years of age I was just a good poo under 150kgs - I woke up at night gasping for breath - sitting and standing hurt. I gave myself 5 years... tops.
I had given up.
But, here's the thing, I'm a solo Mum (kind of like a Solo Man but without the soft drink running down my bare chest) to a 2 year old.
So... in 5 years he would be 7 and an orphan. He would have to stand over my grave and that would have been his greatest memory of me.
So I decided to change. I decided not to die. That fight we Mothers have in us kicked in.
I contacted some places about surgery - because.. who drops 90kgs? Right? Not I! I mean, I could barely walk - how was I going to drop weight? And... the 10 pieces of KFC and 2 large chips that I would silently binge on wasn't on any diet I knew of!
But one night (while eating a large pack of barbecue chips and researching for surgery) I came across the 12WBT - Michelle Bridges' program and, just because I had my credit card sitting next to me, I signed up. Wasn't going to work, but what the heck, I was getting surgery anyway - my failure would justify the expense.
First week in I drove to the gym and sat in my car - They'll laugh at me, I'll look silly, I might break the equipment, I won't know what to do, iI am too fat to be here, fat people don't work out... I went home again, this continues for the week. That week I also saw a friend that I had not seen for a very long time - the way he looked at me, I saw pity in his eyes. He watched me struggle to fit in behind the steering wheel of my car, he watched me sweat after walking up a small flight of stairs. He wanted to help me like an invalid.
We went to lunch, I ate a fisherman's basket and MacDonald's on the way home.
And then I cried.
I decided I would give This Bridges chick a go.
But Mindset? Really? I didn't need that!
This was my week one introduction video:
http://youtu.be/u6ap5S8sLJw
The next day I walked into the gym, I must have looked hilarious! My attempts to cover myself up made me look ridiculous! layer upon layer upon layer.
I saw a PT. All I did was walk, very very slowly - I was exhausted, I hurt and I was invigorated.
I went home and didn't cry - I looked at the Mindset lessons.
And little by little it started to change me - I started to change me. I realised that I could choose my life.
So did I fail?
Many many times and gloriously!
Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try Again. Fail again. Fail better.
Samuel Beckett